I don’t get it, why isn’t this working?...
I’ve been trying to learn Sailor’s Fist from Helen and Caria for a week now. It hasn’t been going well. They've said they have been able to harness the seawater’s magic energy within the first couple days, and sometimes it takes a bit longer. I can’t help but feel their confusion as I still haven’t gotten a grasp on it.
Why can everyone else do it, but not me?...
They’ve been trying to start me off simple by just being able to use the power of the sea. It’s been rough though as I haven’t been able to bring it forward, it grows more demoralizing every time I try to pull from the supposed well of energy within me, just to have nothing happen.
All of the other users here can use it just fine, is there something I’m doing wrong?...
Caria told me to just harness the latent energy of the sea. When I drink enough seawater, I’ll feel the energy flowing through me and my mind will get hazy. Something akin to a drunken stupor, something I’m all too familiar with. I do get hazy, but I don’t feel any stronger or like a power is coursing through me.
What am I doing wrong? I’m doing everything as they are instructing…
Helen told me it’s not far off of trying to fight someone while under the influence. Hell, she even told me one day to come to practice drunk. While it was fun, it ended less in a miraculous breakthrough, more in a puddle of upchuck in the sand and some of the worst vomit breath of my life.
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Is there something wrong with me?...
She asked her father Amos, the elder telling the stories at Oktoberfest if he knew anything and he could only assume it was similar to charging magic-
It makes sense now…
There is something wrong with me…
I can’t use my magic, that has to be why I can’t figure this out…
It’s not anything they’re doing wrong…
It’s my fault…
“Hey, Amena! You alright?” a familiar voice belonging to Helen asked me, snapping me out of my depressing self talk.
Coming back to reality I looked up frantically trying to figure out what's going on, between the negativity and the haziness of the seawater, I don’t remember how long I was zoned out for. But with how Helen and Caria were looking at me, It must've been a little while.
“You've been zoning out for a few minutes now. Got something on your mind?” Helen asked with a bit more concern.
“Oh! Yeah, no. I’m fine!” I stuttered out, still caught off guard.
“Yeah, matey. I don’ believe that.” Caria stated, Not believing me. “You've been like this since you got here. Always zonin’ in and out but claimin’ you’re fine.”
“Caria’s got a point, Is something the matter?” Helen asked again, pressing me further on the subject.
I sort of got the vibe that if I didn’t say anything, they’d just keep prying. Doesn’t help that the haunting nightmares about the Order and Antonio being missing have been more frequent and on my mind. The sleepless nights have been eating away at me. I had to come up with something quick.
“I’ve just been unsure of myself when it comes to learning Sailor’s Fist.” I said, only speaking half of the truth. “It’s been significantly longer than anybody else and I still haven’t gotten the hang of it.”
I started pacing back and forth as I spoke.
“I really appreciate what you two are doing for me, but It just doesn’t seem to click. I’m starting to think it might be because I don’t have magic, and for some reason can’t use the seawater’s energy because of it? I don’t know and it’s getting frustrating.”
“Nah dude, you’ll get it sooner or later. You just gotta believe!” Helen said encouragingly, though it fell on hazy ears.
“Lass, we’ve trained people without magic on how to use Sailor’s Fist. Sometimes it takes them a bit longer, and I can only guess that in your case it’s an extreme case.” Caria encouraged me.
“Maybe, but I’m getting frustrated that what you’re trying to show me is falling on deaf ears.” I answered back annoyed, not with them, but myself. The tough self talk is getting to me again.
As I say that I spot a small rock on the ground sitting a few feet away from a tree. I walk over to it to kick it towards the tree just to air out my frustration a bit. Helen speaks up again.
“Hey, it doesn’t offend us that you aren’t getting it. I can tell you're trying, it’s different for everyone and we’ll get you into fighting shape. Like my dad said, it’s just like charging your magic energy.”
“And I haven’t been able to use my magic for goddamn weeks now!” I shouted angrily, kicking the rock.
As I swung my leg at the rock though, My foot slipped on the dry ground, almost like I tried to kick a puddle. My leg swung up and I launched myself off balance on my other foot sending me falling backwards onto my back with a loud thud. I was hazed and dazed, counting stars trying to get myself together.
I then heard a second, much louder thud. I shook off the feeling and looked in front of me, to see I toppled the entire tree over onto another one. I looked back over at Helen and Caria. Caria was stunned but Helen's face was practically beaming with excitement at seeing that.
“See Amy! You got it! We can even skim over the first technique quicker than we thought!” she shouted ecstatically, running over to help me onto my feet. “Give the energy thing another whirl! I know you have it this time!”
She gave me another seawater bottle, while I’m still baffled at what I just did.
“Okay, I’ll give it another whirl.” I said to her,
I downed the seawater bottle, it doesn’t get any easier but it’s less terrible when you think of it as just bad alcohol. When I tried summoning my magic energy just like when I had my lightning magic. At first nothing happened. But after a few seconds of trying I noticed a couple drops of water shoot off of me onto the ground. Finally some good news.
“Holy shit, Helen! Was that it!?” I turned to her in amazement.
“Damn right it was! Let's go dude!”
Caria also looked at me approvingly giving me a thumbs up of approval. I could hardly believe it, I actually did it! It looks like whatever the order did hadn’t screwed me over entirely after all! I could barely contain my excitement after all of this. However, while I was celebrating Caria spoke up.
“Good stuff matey, I knew you’d get the hang of it.” She congratulated me. “However, there was one thing you mentioned that I just can’t wrap my head around.”
“What did I say?” I asked back confused.
“Something about not being able to use your magic for weeks?” She asked, puzzled. “Did ya lose it or something?”
Shit.
And so, I had to explain to them what happened to me over drinks, as I couldn’t do it otherwise. The story shocked the two of them, but despite it all they seemed supportive of my situation. I’m grateful, I truly am. Not just for them, but for Damon stopping me that awful night.